I called him home part II

And he came home
Wounded, defeated

At first he just looked at me
Stood silently in front of me
In his armor
His sword still in his hands

His eyes empty
And at the same time full of pain
Of the deeds burned into his retina

No more voice
No more strength
To say anything more

Deep unworthiness
How could he come home?
Leaving such a battlefield behind

The world is in bad shape
Mother Earth is in pain
Millions of children dying of hunger
People made into machines

But he can't anymore
He is tired
Tired of fighting
He gives up
It didn't work out

May he come home?
May he rest?

He needs it so much
But he doesn't dare

He dares not look at me
Filled with guilt and shame

I caress his cheek
I feel blood and a tear
Slowly and carefully I take off his armor

His skin full of gaping wounds
Ripped open flesh
I get a whiff of his past

My stomach contracts
But I breathe deeply and stay with it
These wounds are too painful to touch
They're too big and too fresh
Rest first, love

A fresh breeze caresses his skin
A soft sun comes from behind the clouds

I look at him
How beautiful he is
He forgot it himself
But I can still see it

I see his strength, his courage
His heart
His divine presence

And I see his pain, his inability
The shame, the guilt

I sit down in the field of flowers
And lean against the ancient tree
I invite him

At first only with my eyes
But he doesn't dare
He doesn't trust it

Is it really there for him?
Is the love there for him?

He hesitates
Is afraid of misinterpreting it
And remains standing

I take his hand
Feel his fingers
His soft and rough skin

I see another tear, now from his other eye
"It's all right, dear..." I say

You are not a perpetrator
You did what you could
And you didn't know any better
Come here and rest some more

He sinks through his knees
Tears begin to flow
I see seas of sorrow
Indescribable experiences
He looks at me one more time

With doubt in his eyes
Can I really?

And as his whole body begins to jerk
He finally lays his head down in my lap

I called him home is a series of three blogs written about healing the masculine in me.